Sunday, June 25, 2017

Been a bit of an up and down week at work.

I tried to do a balance transfer on a new credit card and royally fucked it up. Sigh.

Last night I started to organise all of Welshy's things in preparation for him coming to collect them today. Only 18 months after we split!
Was feeling restless and mopey and that didn't help. Drank some wine and thought fuck it. Booked myself flights to Athens in October.

Such an idiot! I was struggling to find money to buy toothpaste today for Gods sake! Took the horse hacking today with another lady from the yard. We were out for hours! She was so good as well!

Had hoped to catch up with Welshy but he came while I was out and took his stuff and left. I don't blame him for this although I'm hugely disappointed. His brother had driven from Wales specially for it and as we discovered last week, its a hellish thing to do.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Its so hot out there today!

I drove to see TP and TJ, poor TP. The growth has doubled since diagnosis three weeks ago and they're rushing forward with chemo.

She's being so brave bless her but is also so worried about it. I hope I managed to distract her slightly.

Also got chance for quick catch up with H2 which was great but again I wish I could have stayed longer.

I really don't know how Dad managed to do it in the same day. Went up Thursday and drove back Friday and it nearly killed me!

Supposed to have been paragliding yesterday but spent most of 4 hours sat in a field waiting for wind to pick up, gave up at 5pm and went home.

I'm going to see my friend Babbs in a bit for a quick pint as that's what hot Sunday's are made for!

Monday, June 12, 2017

Discussed it a bit more with One Night Stand guy - will need to give him a better nickname if he sticks about.
He'd clearly be up for more casual nothingness. I'm not. Different if anything would come from it but its not gonna happen. Although I kinda feel like i'm cutting my nose off to spite my face, I know that I'd end up getting feelings. (Hell they're kinda there already. -can't be honest here, where can I be?) and then end up getting hurt. Didn't that happen (minus the sex) with BB all them years back?

So we're back mocking each other and acting like nothing has happened. Kinda odd lol. Least I've made a new friend out of it!

TP has been given the sentence of 6 months chemo and then an op. I feel so helpless, they're so far away. 164 miles away to be exact.

I'm going to drive up there with the dog Thursday. Spend the evening with them. Drive home Friday. This is the longest drive - bar the weekend I spent at Welshy's I'll have ever done. (205 miles) at least that I drove up Thursday, drove home Sunday. Bit more of a gap.

Not looking forward to it, looking forward to seeing them. Looking forward to the surprise. Wish it could be longer but need to do the horse and *gulp* potential paragliding Saturday.

Did I tell you about the paragliding? Yeah. Was supposed to do it over the bank holiday. Not enough wind so it was cancelled and I had a one night stand instead.

Seriously guys. That paragraph above. What the flying fuck is going on in my life?
This is such a year of adventure compared to last years broken nothingness. Not even sure i'm any better off money wise but still... ADVENTURE IS OUT THERE!

Sunday, June 04, 2017

I tried to engage him in conversation twice this week and failed.
Hung out as normal at flyball, it was kinda obvious it was a one night thing but being the idiot I am I had to push it, had to ask him. Said he hand't thought about it all that much since.
Left it at that. At least I know. Still no regrets though, although I think I would have liked to have developed it a bit more. I doubt that'll happen now. Feel a bit cut up about that. So much better to be a blow up doll or a man - less feelings involved.

Busy day today, did horse, washed bedding, cut some of the grass, weeded roses, cleaned house. walked dog AND fitted in two naps!

TP finds out tomorrow what her options are. Will have to remind myself to text her and find out.

Monday, May 29, 2017

I don't really know what's happened this weekend.
So there's a guy that I speak to at Flyball, he's alright. Not my usual cup of tea as he's a bit fit and I like cuddly guys, we've spoken off and on this year, just casual passing the time stuff.

Anyway our Flyball team organised a BBQ, it was loads of fun, silly games, a bouncy castle and lots and lots of drink. Lots.

Come 11.30 and we're the only ones still up, so we sit and talk, and drink, and talk and drink and then he says he wants to sleep with me. There and then.

Not too keen on that idea but then its 5.30 and we end up fooling about in the back of his car. He then goes to sleep and i'm left questioning my life choices, attempting to nap in the back of my Focus and looking after his two dogs that we kicked out of the car.

Anyway, he ends up messaging me later in the day and I've just woken up and come back from a hotel in Bexleyheath.

I'm not seeing this as anything other than what it was but 16 months is a long time to go without and if guys can do it, then why can't I can do it - taking obvious precautions - then fuck it. Judge me all you like. It's not something I'm going to make a habit out of that's for sure though. I'm too old for this shit.

Anyway. It's taken me all week to process the fact that the wonderful, lovely TP has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She's 33. Next Friday they make a plan as to what to do with her. I can't imagine what she's going through and I've been there

Sunday, May 21, 2017

First week without boss gone ok I think. We'll see how we get on this week.

Bit of a horrid end to my week when I took V and Dog out for a hack. Went very well, happy little trot about the fields but then on way back Dog went into neighbours field and got stuck by chicken wire, before I could turn V about to take dog back to the chicken wire free bit she bolted into the yard and got attacked by a staffy type.

Horrid. All I could hear was her screaming and by the time I got out of the bridleway there was Dog on floor being shook by Staff. People booting it and kicking it and it had just locked onto her.

V thankfully stood like a rock for me but all I could do was call for Hero. She had two little puncture marks but went a bit downhill yesterday which made me really fearful for her.

but after a hairy few hours I managed to get food and painkillers into her and now she's ok. Took her to flyball but didn't run her, just checked her reaction to the other dogs and then up to the yard for a mooch about.

It tired her out poor old thing and she's slept most of the afternoon, took her for short whiz about the field to meet other dogs and check reaction there and although wary she's ok, sleeping again now though!

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Mother has been home this week on jury service. Tiring having her here but also nice to have a human to talk too, even if its just constant exhaustion.

I'm trying hard with her, to be more tolerant. I just think we will always rub each other up the wrong way unwittingly.

Horse a lot more settled in new home this week, had a potter amongst the field, had a small jumpie and some reasonable canter leg yields. Wish she'd settle enough to let me organise tack while on her.

Took Mother and Dog to paws in the park for friendly flyball comp. We got eliminated for running too fast! ooops!

Been talking to a new friend online, a guy that comes erratically to flyball, will anything come of it? who knows? He's nice enough so either way a new friend.

Going paragliding in two weeks and my boss is now off for three weeks having an op so hoping for an easy time of it.