Sunday, October 16, 2016

I've felt very guilty about the gaps in blogging.
I miss venting on this.

I took a bank loan to clear my overdraft. I feel really good about this, bizarrely its a good move (I hope) yes I've dipped back into it by about 200 pounds, but I got things I have been waiting and needing for ages. Like new back tyres, like new bedding (mine was more hole than sheet), I bought more food than actually needed so I can start to replenish supplies.
I was quite cross that there was a week in August that I bought a pack of four loo rolls. When we ran out, I literally had no money to replace them. We went through them in a week. I bought a back of 16 this month. We have used two. How do you figure that out?
Now I need to remain sensible. I obviously have to pay it back, its spread over 16 months, a realistic figure to pay.
I still need things. New brake pads are the most pressing outstanding item, but I'm going to do that in the November pay run. I've been picking up little bits of overtime each month - each little bit would be enough to cover the months repayment, but its still a doable figure should I not get that bit of money.
In February I foolishly booked flights to Grotty thinking I would be out of debt and could afford a Spanish exam and intensive course. Well of course thats not the case, but I'm going to use this months little bit of overtime to pay for the Spanish course and Mother and TMWMitW are going to also chip in for it.
Its such a weight off of my mind knowing I can buy food now, and not necessarily yellow stickered food.

 I bought daffs and tulips for the Grave, its made me sad to think of it neglected, and I thought that, being annual plants it would be ok but I've since found out that there are plans for a whopping slab of stone over the top. So I started to dig over the front garden. A project that has been neglected since we moved in - Sometime around 1998 - Its a hard slog and I struggle to find time, but I plan on planting a border and hopefully getting some turf to make a lawn.

I want to tell you the story of my Grandparents. I'm thinking of signing up to or similar to see if I can find out more.

It is hard now that there is no one to ask - but they were of the generation that didn't talk of their feelings or emotions - but theirs is an interesting story, of child-loss and working in mines and being sent to fight in Korea, of mother and baby care homes.

I will make it in Word I think and then it will be easier to edit and then I shall record it here.

The dog is doing amazingly well at her flyball. I love it, I love her. The horse nearly got sold and then came back again and now L has realised she needs more than she is getting at the current yard. I am currently losing riding mojo- I always do at this time of year when the nights draw in and the thought of mucking out and riding in frost and dark for months and months is almost too much to bear.

TP and TJ visited and we saw the Harry Potter Play. It was good, the effects made it really, storyline a bit naff but I'm keeping the secrets for those who haven't seen/read it.

Welshy is back in Russia. He was home for a bit over the bank holiday but now is gone again. We still talk semi-regularly, send each other Facebook links to things that may amuse.

I am starting - no I am lonely - but I dont understand how people meet people nowadays, nor how people have time for relationships. I made a timetable tonight, to try and use my time more effectively. I have genuinely scheduled weekend naps.

I don't particularly want a relationship either, but I want the person who has my back bit. Someone I could talk to about everything and anything, that endless conversation.

until then I have ice cream and I've learnt to make cheesecake and I have a dog asleep on my lap, what with that and vodka, who could ask for more?!

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

So the days roll on. I sometimes get lonely but I am busy.
V's owner has a list of people she is trying to set me up with. The Flyball team suggested someone.

What am I supposed to do to these people? Fall and grovel at their feet begging that "yes, please set me up with X Y and Z. Oh God anything to stop this loneliness."

Instead I smile politely and feign interest.

My frustrations mostly come from not having the money to celebrate doing what I like, like holidays. But whatever. I buy what ice-cream I like now instead of having to find one that suits us both. I'm gonna go to a heavy horse show on Saturday.

I carry on with my life pretty much how I did before. Yes sometimes there are satisfying fantasies about finding someone, or him coming back to me, but i'm happy enough on my own.

Meanwhiles the probate/will row rumbles on. The copywriting issue rumbles on and I await the results of both.

Tuesday, July 05, 2016

Gotta say how much i'm loving Wales in the Euro's. Obviously cos of Welshy I've watched a lot of their matches over the last nine years and this is the best I've seen - especially that game against Belgium!
Have a cheeky quid on them to win the thing - 66 to 1!
Also loved Iceland, super sad they're out. Least said about England the better though!

Welshy came back, was a little odd but nice to see him. Horse was broken for a while but is getting better now and we've had a couple of really good lessons.

Saturday, June 25, 2016

My laptop has been on the verge of death for several weeks, there have been many things I've wanted to talk about but the fan overheats and then it dies.
However - hurrah - today I got my nice new fan ordered - thanks Amazon! - and we're cooking on gas again.

So we've been out and about at flyball competitions which drag me all over random parts of the home counties all weekend. We've been riding lots, I'm tentatively thinking about registering myself for an A2 DELE exam which is basically the equivalent of a A grade GCSE.
Work is ok, busy organising our next fun day. I went and spoke to the representatives at Greenwich Council about saving a field that I walk my dog on from development (Greenwich sadly is no longer green and lovely, it is developed greatly from when I started this blog and tower blocks are everywhere and no infrastructure to cope.) Somehow from this I became the elected Treasurer of a local residents association.
Mother is embroiled in more legal action regarding Nan and Granddad's wills, it all rumbles on. It is thought that all children get 60k, not sure if this includes inheritance tax, so a bit less than the 100k we initially thought but beggars can't be choosers!
Theft, libel, harassment are all flung about on a daily basis. I snapped and gave them all a peace of my mind and then threatened to do them for harassment separately if they continued to pester me.
TMWMiTW is busy trying to find out if one of his songs was copied by someone else who made it rather famous (all I can say on that really at this stage) and I'm made to write them letters to solicitors and deliver it.

The Brat remains a millstone around my neck, between all the above and the daily walks of a minimum of 2 hours that the dog needs I somehow am the only person who cleans and tidies the house, sorts out his dirty washing - or at least removes it back to his room from where it takes up residence about the house, I go on treasure hunts to find plates and cutlery so I can wash them so I have something to eat off of, I buy out of my meagre wages all the necessary items for a house, bin bags, bleach, washing up stuff.

Welshy has been in Russia for 2 months. He comes back to spend the night before going to Wales and then back down south to Folkestone. In March he moved all his stuff back to Wales and it hurt.
Yet we remain civil, we talk nearly every day as before, although obviously not as much. Not sure what it will be like tonight. We will see.

H2 did a flying London visit, was great to see her and TP and TJ come to visit in a fortnight and we're off to see the Harry Potter Play. Super excited.

I voted for the first time! Unfortunately it was not a positive experience. Leaving the EU. I am awaiting Gestapo boots on my street demanding passport checks.

It is all very interesting watching it unfold, I am trying to remain positive about it all and hope for a huge fall in house prices to something that I could perhaps one day afford and the return of passport stamps every time I bumble over to Europe.

Life goes on and at the moment it is sunny, I am taking a break from cleaning the house to watch England/Australia in the rugby and later I am going to get excited cheering Wales on in the Euros.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Not the biggest fan of Liverpool FC I think their fans are whiney and deluded but once a long, long time ago my housemate started taking an interest in football and Sheffield Wednesday FC. She had no idea of what Hillsborough represented and I insisted the first time I went to a game with her that we found the memorial and she asked whether it was the fans fault and I tried to explain that we might never know, but everyone knew really it was the police's, the stewards, those in charge on the day.
I've been to many games at Hillsborough, both in the home end and in the away end and I've tried to visualise that day. But you can't. No one should go to football and not come home. No one should have had to wait that long for the truth to come out.
Reading the reports today, watching the footage and it makes my heart ache and even makes me close to tears. 
Justice has been done at last. 

Saturday, March 12, 2016

Phew- Blogger went a bit mental for a few days and I have been unable to post.

So he moved back to Wales last Thursday. I kept telling him he didnt need to go. He kept insisting that he did. I think he has realised now how hard travelling about for his job is from there though!
He is coming back next Friday and then probably back to Wales from there.

It's hard to think about but yet surprisingly easy how we have slipped into just communicating a few times a week, instead of almost every hour. It still breaks my heart and he is on my mind a lot but yet life goes on and its almost normal. I am grateful that we have always been a bit "long distance" as it makes this easier to bear but I am still lonely without him. I guess its the missing the contact and companionship more than anything else.

Dog went for her first flyball. She was overwhelmed and frightened by it all but tried so hard and I was so pleased when she did it for me on her final run.

Horse is going well.

I am still so poor. I have for the last three months concentrated on paying off my credit card debt and it is so frustrating this time of month when I still have 11 days till payday, my bank balance reads 0 and yet I have 215 pounds (alright its not a lot but its a start and I have dipped into it a little this month as the dog threw up in the car and I needed new jods as well as having it cleaned after). I can only access this for card payments. I cannot withdraw any nor transfer it into my normal account. I guess this is a good thing as it does make it harder for me to blow it but at the same time God it's frustrating.
In 11 days time though I shall be rich again (I HATE living payday to payday) and I can move enough over to make it up to 400 pounds of debt repaid and then even if i inevitably break into that at this point next month I will still not use all of that and its a slow, slow crawl towards financial stability!
Only another 2,400 to go and then I can work on the overdraft!! So should be debt free by oh I don't know 2020?

Friday, February 12, 2016

In a way its like he's away - which technically he is.
There's been a couple of moments which ache my heart. Like now. It's now been nearly 36 hours since we spoke and this is normal I tell myself but this is the longest we've gone for 10 years without communicating. I guess this is an unwanted record that keeps on growing. I rarely speak to my other friends weekly - I consider it keeping in good contact if I do it fortnightly!

I'm slowly starting to tell my friends, although less than three or four know at the moment. Its still I guess a bit of a hard thing to admit.
We spoke before he went away. I pushed him away a lot, always worrying that he would let me down, trying to protect myself from getting hurt (did a bad job there) being flippant, making him do all the running when it came to him visiting me because I was so insecure. (probably not much better now tbf) of course that hurt him. What i'm trying to say I guess is that I realise neither of us are blameless. We're not the people we were 10 years ago, not even 3 years ago. I still remain hopeful that the contact will stay however.

I'm just going to throw out here now that TMWMitW wrote a song a while back, he now suspects that this song was stolen and recorded by someone rather famous. Legal advice is being consulted. We'll see what happens there.

Still no news in regards to my inheritance.