This kinda relates to Weenie's blog a while back about losing good teachers. I lost a good one on Tuesday. My riding instructor. (yes another horse related post!)
She tore my riding to shreds to begin with, made me doubt what I knew I could do and then rebuilt me. Better. Stronger. Faster. Etc.
My position is better now, I'm more aware of my capabilities.
On Sunday she recieved an email telling her that her 11-year service of Teaching on Tuesday nights was no longer required.
On Monday she was told that her full time job was no longer there. That in two weeks she will be redundant.
I hate the politics and bitchiness of stable life sometimes, although as its 90% female orientated I guess thats too be expected. I felt desperately sad for her as she said goodbye to us all and the horses for one last time.
We are facebook chums now so at least we can keep in some kind of touch and I wish her well in whatever happens next in her life.

And on another note I sent off my MSc app yesterday. Fingers crossed for that!
No news on my olympic tickets yet.... trying to remain patient!!!

I had a lovely day visiting CL and her daughter E yesterday. WE went to Avon Valley park and met the farm animals and played on seesaws and in the ballpond and on a slide of death, which was just a vertical drop. Wheee!
I rode home on First class (Very Posh!) which was nice. She hit me with a bombshell about MH, she's once again jobless and with a tiny baby daughter to support (I wrote once about her "sperm donor")
anyway, she sold her story to the readers of the daily mirror and is in this weeks Reveal magazine. I decided against putting the link up to here.
The story is full of lies and I not only can't believe that she would sell the story but lie about the process.
I found out that the baby isnt the result of a "sperm donor" as she claimed but the result of an affair with yet another married man. Or so CL seems to think. I am still in touch with Jena, her longest long term relationship and I facebooked him one day and happened to notice a comment thanking him for her daughter. So I wonder if that's who is the Dad.
I am worried for her sanity and her daughter but it is non of my buisiness. I can enquire from our mutual friends for updates but I will not get back in touch.
I also decided that all of us who were freshers in our halls should have a 10-year reunion. Lets see if anyone is interested in that. MH most definately isnt invited!!!
I applied for tickets for the test event in Greeny park, that'd be nice to go too, can't wait to hear back from the real ballot for the real tickets.
Welshy doesn't want to go to Bali with me. I'm contemplating going alone for a week in December. I can dive and ride and see animally things and soak up a bit of culture so I don't think I'll be lonely or bored.
However I'm not a big fan of flying and the thought of a 11 hour flight alone is scaring me slightly. As is getting on a plane company that I've not used before.
We'll see. I have to finish my MSc app now so no more avoiding work!

I'm off to see CL in the morning and I've just got back from riding. I'm rather sweaty, dirty and covered in pony slobber from a over-friendly welsh cob.
But I want to talk to you about my ride. Its so hard for me to explain this to non-riders. The work and partnership that happens. How every leg, angle, bum, arm and finger movement signals something to the horse.
I was nervous tonight. Last week, I was overhorsed, too tall for me too ride, although if I wish to be a good rider, I should be able to manage these as well as horses my size.
He bolted with me, bucked and reared. I lost stirrups, my balance, thought I would fall off, although I didn't. I rode the horse through his mischief. Made him follow my albeit shaky commands.
Made him realise I was in charge. Not him.

Its been a week since my last lesson, and I was nervous, I am a nervous rider although when I am on and the horse is being naughty, I can ride through it. I know what to do, its the "what if's" that hit afterwards.

WE went for a trot through the woods, did some schooling in the large field and then returned to our schooling area. And my pony was sweet, although eager for action and not always willing to stick to my pace.
But I marvelled at this, at how half a tonne of horse does what I want, because it wants to make me happy. How we make them circle and go sideways and its all unnatural for them. But they love to make people happy.
And I marvelled about how instictively my body reacts to the pony's actions. How when she saw a paper bag and wasn't sure what to do, how without thinking I applied the leg to make her move forward, reassuring her that it was fine just through that motion.
How when she stepped sidewards to avoid going close to an abandoned trolley, how again my right leg pushed her back the way I had her lined up, how I made her shuffle on the spot and turn on the forehand when she was waiting to go and figity.

I love horses. I love their smell, their beauty and their actions. I love how despite being scared, I can ride through my fear and ride correctly. And I love how the partnership works, they do their best for me and I do my best for them and do it all without thinking.

I aspire to be a good rider and jump four foot fences one day. To go around Badminton X-country and ride a GP dressage test. But most of all. I dream of being a good enough rider to have my horse to want to do something to please me, without my even telling it, thats what we're going to do. And I'd love everyone to have this skill, those moments of happiness and freedom and have the joy from riding that I do.

I've had a shitty week or two at work. Apparently despite having spent 4 years looking at my collections in the galleries I still don't have enough knowledge to sell books based on them. Fuck that anyway. Same money, more hours.

I'm looking at holidays again, the Flight centre have an Asian Sale on, Bali or Hong Kong for under £400. Not sure if that's return or not, have emailed an question to find out. The good thing about my new rosta is that if I plan it on the right week, I can take a weeks holiday for 3 days rosta.
Trying to talk Welshy into some enthusiasm for the idea. He's thinking of going to Vegas with his friends so would rather do that than Asia I think... I might also go to Grotty to see Mum when she goes out for the Summer hols, again trying to work it out with the three day pattern.

Dear R... I'm so glad you've remembered me and came to visit. I hope you are well and the in between years have been kind and that you didn't get too sick on the Ferry crossing.

I have never been so angry as I was today. Leastways never so angry without hitting someone or something or angry tears.

I was in charge of one of the sites, all well and good, done it hundreds of times before. A group came up from down the hill to do lift rescue training, I was on the afternoon group. So they turned my one and only lift off. No worries. Barriered off, no confusion with the public. Its all good. Or so I thought.
I was summoned by one of the Seasonals as there was a disabled elderly group needing to use the lift to go down to the loo. And I mean Elderly, all at least in their 90's as the Care LEader told me. All differing forms of mobilty.
Needing to go downstairs. Holding themselves to prevent "accidents". So I radioed over to my manager who was leading the training, explained about my group and asked to put the lift on for me for a moment.
Request Denied.
So I had to lead this group of people who could hardly walk 300 meters out of the building around and down to the staff entrance. It took me 15 minutes. I was cringing with embarrassment for them and that I had to do this as my manager was being a cunt.
I let them in, showed the faster moving group to the loo and then waited for the zimmerframe two to catch up.
One went into the disabled loo but the other simply couldnt wait. So I checked the ladies was empty, showed her in with her carer and promised to guard the main door so she could wee in privacy (being unable to shut the cubicle door.)
So two ladies with kids showed up, I explained, they were good as gold about it.
Another lady storms up with her son.
"I NEED to use the loo. My son needs a poo."
I explained, never thinking that this would be a problem, I mean people deep down are decent, understanding. Right? Wrong.
I told her that there was the gents next door. Big mistake.
"I AM not letting my fiver year old son use a gents toilet unaccompanied! What kind of mother do you think I am?!"
Erm... I've guessed.....
So I explained again about the elderly lady, asked how she'd feel if it was her parent.
"There is such a thing as equality for all!" Boomed BitchMother. Shoulderbarged past me and forced herself into the loo.
I was outraged. I could hardly speak, I wanted to go in there and scream at her, but I was so concious of that old lady, pants around her ankles and her obvious embarrassment, that I didn't want to add to her discomfort by going in there and shouting and screaming like I wanted too.
Some how I held it all in, I opened the main door to let the other waiting ladies in, Thanked them loudly for their consideration and common decency and then took my OAP's back to their group leader. I genuinely don't know how I did that, when inside I was shaking with rage, rage that people could be so unfeeling that they didnt care that I had to shuffle them a long way when all it takes is to press a button to work a lift. That people didnt care about the rights and dignity of the older generation. And yes I was thinking about my Nan, and how I'd hate that to happen to her.
Everyone said when I told them that I should have said X or Z, called a manager, but I knew that I couldnt have said anything without completely losing my temper or ending up getting into trouble for abusing a member of the public and to call my male manager to the situation would have made it 10 times worse.
AAARRRGGHHH. In the words of The Who "Hope I die before I get old."